Closing the gap between the realized self and higher self takes mindfulness. When we take a few precious moments to reflect, we can usually hone in on who we are and what feels true. The choice becomes obvious, the words we couldn't find in the moment come rushing in - "oh why couldn't I think to say that at the time!" "I wish I had offered to help."
Don't beat yourself up; this happens to everyone. The key is to take time to reflect. When we use the mindfulness muscle, it grows stronger. As we take the time to consider what happened and how we reacted or responded, the gap between what we do and what we want to do becomes smaller. The time delay literally will shrink until you are actually reflecting in real time - magic!
I call this the condensing phenomenon. Like sliding the zoom on your phone camera, events come into focus and our ability to respond as we aspire to be is enhanced. Practice connecting to your higher self - you know that one that knows how to act, what to say and who he or she wants to be. Reflect on the events and conversations of a day and remember:
1) Don't spend this time beating yourself up for what you should have said or done. What you really wanted to say or do is already in your consciousness; it's just been covered up (for any number of reasons)
2) Give yourself credit for taking the time to reflect.
3) Remind yourself that you will have more opportunities to externalize your essential self. Look forward to another chance; stay optimistic that you will be in the "real you" zone soon.
You'll sometimes feel a bit frustrated with yourself, but remember to notice not judge. It is an essential process to getting yourself on point. Your reflections will begin to condense to happening closer to your behavior and for shorter amounts of time. In other words, this will feel like a homework assignment and you may feel sluggish at first, but as you practice, it will feel more like having an easy catch and toss with a friend; eventually just a quick change of stations like changing the dial on a radio and then finally, a "yes, that means this to me" and the real you comes through. You'll know when this happens. Reflect on that as well. Keep Noticing. This is mindfulness.
I'll discuss the perks of getting this in another post soon.