"These Solutions Can't Possibly Be the Solutions"

"We must combine the toughness of the serpent with the softness of the dove, a tough mind and a tender heart." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have been reading and pondering the duality of waging fierce and powerful peace through the radical action of love and repentance of causing harm. Those who know me, know I'm not a hippie or a New-Ager, nor an aimless dreamer.  Heck, I'm from New Jersey, land-of-many-fighters.  What I've come to believe in is focused, purposeful action to improve a condition, a life, sometimes just a moment.  Not just action without purpose and not just compassion, which without action dissolves into pity and hopelessness. 

I have been reading Andrew Harvey, an intellectual, worldly man and somewhat of a mystic.  Please ponder this with me from his new book, "Radical Passion":  "Look at what's going on and how the solutions can't possibly be the solutions.  Accept that there is a way through and it's the way of love in action - and it depends on honoring the feminine sacred." - Andrew Harvey 

This resonates with me, not just because I'm a woman, but because I can't wrap my mind, and more likely my heart, around creating a better world through violence.  I'm not anti-male.  I love the men in my life, but believe we must demand and create balance going forward.  Our country is 51% female, but this is rarely reflected on any decision-making boards of anything (PTA exemption here.)  Woman are primarily considered as consumers; consumers of necessities and consumers of the non-essential.  Are we contributing to debates, corporations, laws, policies, media and modern ethics?  If the feminine voice was not only added for equity, but "honored" as a sacred and essential presence, might our country have a different look and feel one day?  

We've become comfortable in our physical world, but sadly accustomed to hearing horrific news.  I wonder what if anything will shake us from our complacency.  Would we need to lock ourselves behind barred windows with our weapons and our treasures if we created compassionate responses to those suffering from neglect, abandonment, hunger, as well as physical and mental challenges?  

Ok, enough questions!  I know my answers and I encourage you to leave your responses in the comments below.  

I will coach for peaceful, loving solutions.  I'll coach those who are now and aspire to be powerfully compassionate leaders, those in need of the courage to raise their voice for justice and equality.  I'll coach those aching to make a difference because our children deserve better than what we're handing them today.  

I am a coach for compassionate change.  For now, that will be my contribution to new solutions. 

I welcome those who are interested in being coached to create compassionate change to message me on my Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

Change is Inevitable and So Are We

Well it's been a while since I've been on here blogging.  I thought I would blog twice a week or at least once for a good long time, but after I lost my Grandma, I lost my mojo and then the holidays hit.  I don't think I'm letting lots of people down, but this was an exercise in communicating that I promised to myself, so I'm back.  My holiday vacation is almost over and so is my blogging break.

What I want to discuss today is growth.  NPR recently featured the work of Daniel Gilbert from Harvard who became curious about why we think we will be essentially the same person tomorrow or even 10 years from now.  The fact is, we almost all change and more than we ever predict. For some reason, we keep thinking that although we can recognize that we have grown up, grown wiser, more patient, etc., we usually consider where we are right now to be the pinnacle of that growth and rarely predict much, if any, further growth.

So I thought about this and it is much easier to reflect and accept the changes in ourselves than predict what we will become.  What I can consider however, is what I am aspiring to be and although there are lots of wishes and things I could put on a list, the essence of what I aspire to change in my future is being connected to my source and love on a daily basis; to stay grounded to my best self and avoid reacting to pointless drama.

I don't want to just believe in nonviolence, I want to be an active participant in helping others steer away from verbal and physical violence as the answer to their problems.  I don't want to just give to the Brady campaign for reasonable gun laws, I want to participate in the process that will bring an end to senseless firearm deaths.  I don't want to just hope that more women get involved in state and national politics, I want to participate in them getting elected.  I don't think it's unreasonable to want our children to have food to eat everyday, access to health care and a safe and productive education. 

I expect and plan to "grow" into these issues so when I look back in ten years, I will be different than I am today . . . and according to Daniel Gilbert, I shouldn't be surprised.  What will I have to change in myself to realize these changes?  I will have to say "yes" to growth opportunities and "no" to the safety of the predictable.  I expect more time management discipline of myself.  I pray for more compassionate responses, creativity and less mind-wandering.  I expect to take my life seriously AND remember to have more fun (that one's for Gram.)

How have you changed in the last 10 years?  What do you expect of yourself in the next ten?

See Jane Lead. Lead Jane, Lead.

I've been in the field of education for decades and although there are plenty of woman teachers, inequity exits when it comes to administration aka leadership.  Let me pause on this for a moment because although there is a preponderance of women in the classrooms, the percentages skew heavily towards men in the top decision-making positions.

What's wrong with this picture?  The problem is a reliance on a male-dominated leadership model which creates imbalance.  Schools are recreating the male-dominated court system, suspending students at an alarming rate - currently described in many articles as the "pipeline to prison" phenomenon. A relentless linear approach to curriculum and test-taking models are demoralizing and chasing off many of our best and brightest teachers (this would be more women since they are over-represented at the instruction level).

My point is not to be anti-male; it's to be for equity and balance.  Woman shouldn't replace all men in educational leadership positions, rather we should be at the same table, in the same meetings, leading side by side with male administrators.  Woman are under represented at both the state and national levels in both education and politics.  The focus must be on adding more woman to leadership positions so female values can be voiced along side the masculine.

Once at a youth leadership workshop a 15 year old male student angrily yelled at me that I was teaching everyone to "be a girl, not a leader."  His justification for his outburst was that his father had taught him what a leader was and "compromise and listening isn't how it's done!  That's weak!  You're teaching us to be weak."  There were a few tense minutes but it gave us a good place to start discussing why a female leadership instructor might be sharing the topics I was covering.  I didn't sway my young participant, but there was a healthy, vibrant discussion with many young men in the group agreeing there was the need for the qualities of strength and power along side listening, compromise and agreement.  I like to think the young women left pleased and the men (minus one) gave themselves points for considering.

Creating equity and balance will require embracing new models of leadership that value feminine traits. Traits that are not just considered my men, but are embraced by woman.  We dominate the numbers in education, yet apply for the top education positions in smaller numbers.  We are 51% of the population, yet run for office less often.  It's time to value our own strengths in order to be taken seriously as leaders of our youth, leaders of our states and leaders of our nation.  Lead Jane, Lead!

If you agree or disagree, I hope you'll leave a comment or go to my Facebook page and send me a message: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

graph from 2012 Harvard Kennedy School Review

There's No Title IX in Politics

 There was plenty going on at the Sister Giant conference this past weekend and one of many resonating points for me was this Jane Lynch quote:

"If we don't take a seat at the table -
we're probably on the menu"

Yes I know, large font, very dramatic, but did it get your attention?  It got mine.  We women can talk about issues or we can be a part of the solutions.  I prefer solving problems. No worries - there will still be time to drink wine.

A consistent Sister Giant theme was in order to create balance on what issues are being addressed by our elected officials, how they are being addressed and why they are being addressed, more woman must be involved in the discussions, the debates and most importantly - the votes!  It's not a man problem that they don't understand the feminine perspective, it's a woman problem that not enough of us are engaged in the process.  Statistically, woman are elected to office at the same rate as men . . . but sadly, way less women run for office. 

Ladies - we can come up with all kinds of excuses for why we don't run - the one that rises to the top for me and probably many of you is: politics are mean and nasty!  I'd rather go volunteer somewhere with other women, where everyone will be nice and smile.  We feel good about giving our time and perhaps some money, we're glad to see each other and then go home without watching something awful about us on the nightly news.  You know, nice.

Well the tenor and tone of a campaign or political debate is exactly my point.  If more women run smart campaigns and refuse to play in the gutter, refuse to put on the cliche armor and head into battle,  perhaps some day "dirty politics" will be a phrase from the past.  Perhaps sometime soon, there will be a 50-50 gender percentage at the state and federal level.  As it stands now, even after a record year for woman winning nation wide, we are only 20% of the total seats at the table - but woman are 51% of the population!  We can change how a campaign is run and we can change what is being addressed, but we can't do it from our couch.

I've been the idealist saying, gender doesn't matter, beliefs and thoughts do.  To some extent, that's true as all woman don't agree on all issues, but when it comes to issues that directly relate to woman and children, woman are much more likely to agree or at the very least engage in a discussion.  Maybe it's the womb factor.

We need balance in all things and our politics should be no different.  We've had Title IX in our schools for over 40 years so girls would be given equal chances to play competitive sports.  Well in the BIG game, we're not going to be given a Varsity Girl's Politics Team - we're going to have to play on the co-ed team.  We're going to have to run savvy campaigns, not to beat someone else, but to earn the votes of citizens who believe in what we will do if they trust us.

I for one am thinking seriously about how to engage my skills, heart and mind to influence change rather than watch it, hope for it and at times look away from it.

SISTER.  GIANT.
Think of the best women you know . . .
Now imagine them with the "audacity to wield power"- M. Williamson

Let's work to get more woman at the table.  Won't that be nice?

I hope you will join me at:  http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions



 

Sister Giant: Here We Come

This weekend I will be attending Sister Giant in Los Angeles.  This event has been created by Marianne Williamson in collaboration with The Woman's Campaign School at Yale University.  Williamson describes this event as an intersection of consciousness and politics.  I like the timing so this doesn't turn into a political rally - that's over for now.  Instead we can focus on where we are now and where we want to go.  It may be naive, but I believe that we must engage and when I say "we" I mean: 1) woman 2) those who want the discussion to include education and children's advocacy and 3) everyone.  Ok, #3 isn't going to happen, but #1 already played out earlier this week and #2 could happen in the near future.

Most people are going to take a break from politics after a long, grinding election season, but some of us are going to carry on.  This is a new, first time event and I'm excited to check it out.  There are participants signed up from every state and several other countries.

I don't know what to expect, but the description resonates and that is my guide to this experience. 

More later -

Visit me at: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions