Mind Germs

Hopefully most of us wash our hands after we've used the bathroom.  We have squirt bottles of germicide sitting in our offices and stay clear of homes that have someone with a contagious illness.  We'll go to great lengths from washing our food and the tops of aluminum cans to wiping down computer keyboards, steering wheels and doorknobs - and no, I'm not a germ-a-phoebe.

Why is it that we don't go to these lengths to avoid mind germs?  Why do we willingly allow networks to fill our brains with useless, negative news, real life stories full of misery and programs of fiction that reflect some of the worst of human behavior: sexual assaults, drug deals, murder, abandonment, cheating and so on - I bet you can name a TV show, fiction or nonfiction, for almost any awful scenario you can think of.  It's contagious!

When do we take the time to clean away the filth and horrors fed to us and the poison of gossip that we drink by the gallons?  If you could, would you wash your mind of these infectious germs?  Do you have a method that duplicates spritzing antibacterial gel on your hands? 

There are methods and they begin with choosing to be aware of what you are asking your mind to digest.  First and foremost, PAY ATTENTION to the shows you consume, books you devour and the conversations you participate in.  None of these are requirements.  We don't "have to" watch a show that features a brutal murder every episode.  We don't have to watch a news program that features one negative story after another, each with NO relevance to our life. . .  and we don't have to rationalize this behavior by telling ourselves that we won't have anything in common with our friends if we don't.  Your friends like YOU, not what programs you watch.

Homework: watch a network morning news program and count how many stories they share with you that are by their own admission "sad", "so sad", "disturbing" or "frightening."

Consider "the purpose" of what you consume more than the product.  When you question your own motives, it becomes simple to make a decision. 
"What is the purpose of spending my (precious) time on this?"  
"Why am I really doing this?"  

When the answer comes back, "I don't know", "Because I've always watched this", "Because my friends do", "Because I get a kick out of hearing gossip", "Because I'm bored and there's nothing else to do"- that's the proof you have been unconsciously consuming mind germs and because you don't realize you're consuming mind germs, you don't even bothering WASHING! (insert an "Ewww" here)

Mindfulness takes practice, but it's worth it.  Meditate, begin a spiritual practice (qigong, yoga, tai chi, prayer), promise yourself some germ free programing and see if you start to feel better, less stressed, and better rested.  You'll find that you are able to keep your own thoughts on positive solutions to challenges, rather than defaulting to irrational fears and chronic worry . . . now why might that be happening, hmmm?

Keeping the mind germs away takes the same daily, even hourly practice that developing a hand washing habit took when we were younger.  Eventually you won't go out in public without taking care of washing and that's best for you and everyone else too!

Change is Inevitable and So Are We

Well it's been a while since I've been on here blogging.  I thought I would blog twice a week or at least once for a good long time, but after I lost my Grandma, I lost my mojo and then the holidays hit.  I don't think I'm letting lots of people down, but this was an exercise in communicating that I promised to myself, so I'm back.  My holiday vacation is almost over and so is my blogging break.

What I want to discuss today is growth.  NPR recently featured the work of Daniel Gilbert from Harvard who became curious about why we think we will be essentially the same person tomorrow or even 10 years from now.  The fact is, we almost all change and more than we ever predict. For some reason, we keep thinking that although we can recognize that we have grown up, grown wiser, more patient, etc., we usually consider where we are right now to be the pinnacle of that growth and rarely predict much, if any, further growth.

So I thought about this and it is much easier to reflect and accept the changes in ourselves than predict what we will become.  What I can consider however, is what I am aspiring to be and although there are lots of wishes and things I could put on a list, the essence of what I aspire to change in my future is being connected to my source and love on a daily basis; to stay grounded to my best self and avoid reacting to pointless drama.

I don't want to just believe in nonviolence, I want to be an active participant in helping others steer away from verbal and physical violence as the answer to their problems.  I don't want to just give to the Brady campaign for reasonable gun laws, I want to participate in the process that will bring an end to senseless firearm deaths.  I don't want to just hope that more women get involved in state and national politics, I want to participate in them getting elected.  I don't think it's unreasonable to want our children to have food to eat everyday, access to health care and a safe and productive education. 

I expect and plan to "grow" into these issues so when I look back in ten years, I will be different than I am today . . . and according to Daniel Gilbert, I shouldn't be surprised.  What will I have to change in myself to realize these changes?  I will have to say "yes" to growth opportunities and "no" to the safety of the predictable.  I expect more time management discipline of myself.  I pray for more compassionate responses, creativity and less mind-wandering.  I expect to take my life seriously AND remember to have more fun (that one's for Gram.)

How have you changed in the last 10 years?  What do you expect of yourself in the next ten?

This F-Word

Nope, not the 4-letter F word (I know that's what you're thinking); I'm talking about the 5-letter word we need everyday - FOCUS!

When we were younger you might remember getting "Focus!" yelled at you by a parent, a teacher or a coach.  "Stop talking and focus."  "What are you doing?  Stay focused!"   I'm  suggesting now that we choose to whisper this word to ourselves, "shhhh . . . stay still . . . focus."

There are so many distractions in our daily lives that we must make the commitment to improving our focus if we stand a chance of getting significant work done - not once in a while, but everyday.  Our phones beep and sing and ring at us, our email "blings" you've got another new email, here comes an instant message, a tweet and on and on.

Ironically, I've resorted to using the rain app on my phone to drown out the noise when I just want to focus on what I'm working on, reading or God forbid, resting.  Focus takes intention and practice - special thanks to my clarinet days; I thought I was practicing scales and difficult passages, but really I was practicing how to Focus. 

It helps to practice focusing in our childhood years, but improving our focus doesn't take buying an expensive instrument or taking a course - it takes committing time to one thing at a time and sticking to that commitment, despite the incoming distractions.

Besides the obvious tasks at work and needs of our home environment, there are lots of daily applications for focus.  Some I suggest are writing, meditating and reading.  When instructing young leaders, I emphasize focused listening - something that can be done haphazardly or with a high level of focus and intent.  Also, I'd appreciate it if some of you would focus more as you drive (you know who you are)!

Focus doesn't have to be the bad F-word and we don't need it yelled at us commando style.  Commit to improving your ability to focus without caving to distractions, focus on extending your ability to focus for longer periods of time, and to really enjoy the process, focus intently on challenges that matter to you, those tasks that make a difference for yourself and others.

Shhh . . . stay still . . . focus.

focused on coaching: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions







 

Getting It Done

In the coming days, I'll be traveling to Florida for my father's service.  I liked the Seth Godin post below as it reminded me of my father's devotion to service.  He knew he could do the work and would do it.  That of course, often got him more work as many would rather compliment you for being effective at "getting it done" than doing the work themselves. If it's important to you, do the work.  If your words won't influence others, your works may.

 The wishing/doing gap

It would be great to be picked, to win the random lottery, to have a dream come true.
But when we rely on a wish to get where we want to go, we often sacrifice the effort that might make it more likely that we get what we actually need. Waiting for the prince to show up is a waste of valuable time, and the waiting distracts us from and devalues the hard work we might be doing instead.
If you can influence the outcome, do the work.
If you can't influence the outcome, ignore the possibility. It's merely a distraction.
Seth Godin

Clean Out the Closet and Clean Up Our Act

Let's look at the same process we use to clean out a closet to help us clean up our act  -

Think about the piles you might make as you pull your stuff out of that closet:

Get Rid of It
Did you find that jacket that never fit?  The orange set of towels you keep thinking you'll use at Halloween?  How about that fondu pot from 1980?  When you start with the resolve to get that closet cleaned up, you pull these out, take a good look, maybe have a good laugh and then put them in the Get Rid Of It pile.
Same goes for a habit or behavior that you don't need - look directly at that behavior like it's that fondu pot staring back at you.  Don't flinch and don't distract yourself.  If you know you don't need to eat that bag of chips at 10pm, Get Rid of That Behavior!  Give those chips to your neighbor with ten 10-year olds at her house for a birthday party.  Are you hanging on to an old behavior that you no longer need or can afford?  Give it away with the cassette deck.

I don't need to hit the snooze alarm three times.  I found that I don't need to use it at all.  That behavior is now in the Got Rid of It pile so I can afford to give away my alarm clock too.
     
Sometimes Useful
Sometimes we find something useful in the closet that we forgot about.  If you find an umbrella that still works, well you don't need it everyday so that goes in the (sometimes) Something Useful pile.  The trick here is to not only save it, but to put it in a place where you'll remember it and use it!

When it comes to our habits, this might look like paying our bills (on time), putting out the garbage, cleaning behind the appliances or buying a card (for our favorite relative that's not on Facebook).  

Wow - This is Cool!
The Wow - This is Cool pile includes stuff you forgot you had but are so glad you found again; so glad, in fact that you'll start using it again right away.  This stuff is useful and meaningful and you can't even remember why you tucked it away - so hooray!  It's found and back in circulation.

How does this look in our habitual life?  Well it might be discovering the joy of talking to a friend that you lost track of or realizing that you were happier when you jogged four times a week.  It could be resurrecting a long-forgotten yoga routine or a recipe that makes you feel good and is good for you too.  "Wow - that's cool" and I even have the ingredients!

Don't Need it and No One Else Does Either
This covers the stuff we find that has no value to anyone - the don't put it in a yard sale, don't give it to a charity, don't put it on the curb with a 'Free' sign on it pile . . . it's junk and belongs in the garbage. 
This includes stuff that's broken and unrepairable, is so old that there are no replacement parts, or is dangerous.

Ok, so here goes - when we have behaviors that are not worth repairing (as in a habit that has no redeeming value to our life) or that comes from long, long ago with zero benefit, or - drum roll here - is DANGEROUS,  these behaviors belong in the chuck it pile.  Rationalizing any of these is a con game waged against ourselves.  Be brave, be honest, hold yourself to the standard you know you deserve, hire a coach or if it's an addiction or therapeutic issue, get proper help. 

We all know the obvious, illegal and addictive ones, but don't forget the less obvious like chronic blaming, shaming, yelling, tantrums, manipulative pouting, gossiping, being chronically late or making others guess when our nasty stuff will show up.  It's up to each of us, to look at our own stuff and want to clean it up.  

So do you want to do some tossing?  Let's clean up our act and a nasty closet too while we're at it!

Leave a comment or send me a message on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

What's Stalling Your Dream?

Do you know what you want but can't seem to get there? 
If you know what you're aiming at, that's a huge!  It may seem obvious, but lots of us don't quite know what we want. 

If you do know, check out these variables that may be stalling your progress:

> You lack the resources to get to your goal: this may be financial support, technical knowledge,     manpower . . .

The short answer to this is to begin gathering a supportive team that can fill the roles or information you need.

> You have not given yourself the thumbs up to go for it.  Play with that one.  Have you given yourself permission?  You may be listening to gremlin voices within that say, "what are you thinking?" "you can't do that"  Hopefully you don't have real live naysayers in your inner circle.  If you do, kindly ask them to support you or stay out of the way.

The short answer to the negative inner voice is to hear it, recognize it's fear-based bull and ignore it.  (A coach can help considerably with this part of the process.)

> You are distracted.  This may be incessantly checking Twitter, Facebook, email, texting on demand and answering your cell phone.  All of these can and will wait, but YOU have to make that choice.  Some of us are distracted by the drama of others or the chaos of our own making.  Distractions from your goal, make that your dream - must go!  Too much TV, gaming, eating, sleeping, gossiping = failure to launch.

So if you know what you want, give yourself a big dose of DO.  Carve the time out of the mindless, time-sucking activities that are distracting you from real progress and the joy of doing what you love.

> You may have the dream wrong.

Sometimes what seems like a conspiracy to sink our dreams is the universe trying to tell us, we're chasing the wrong dream.  There are clues -

Coaching dreamers willing to DO - http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

When It's Worth Being Stubborn

I used to describe myself as"tenacious" and "persistent".  I'd say, "what you call stubborn, I call tenacious" and I'd usually smile (inferring a wink . . . which is usually received as a smirk).  Then I read Do the Work by Steven Pressfield and had to agree with his assertion that "stubborn is less lofty than tenacity" - that resonated with me. Who needs "lofty" when what the circumstance dictates is a good dose of stubbornness?

I have always known that others consider me stubborn and some of those would add "to a fault", but I've decided to own my stubbornness - it's mine, so here I go: I'M STUBBORN and PROUD OF IT!  Why?  Because I'm confident that I'm stubborn when it matters . . . to me. 

What matters to YOU?  What are you passionate enough to get stubborn about, dig-your-heels-in, don't-let-go to your core about?  I'm not advocating control freak (my way or the highway) or ignorance is bliss stubborn - I'm talking about those beliefs that are worth fighting for, the ones you've examined and feel deep down in the core of your being.

What must you be stubborn about?  Not lofty tenacious or pesky persistent, but down right "damn, she's stubborn!"  When you recognize the issue that you must resist with all your skills and passion (hint: this usually feel like a kick to the gut), then Pressfield suggests, "We sink our junkyard-dog teeth into resistance's ass and not let go, no matter how hard he kicks."

Now that's not lofty, but I'm for it!  Warning: this is NOT for the meek.
 We'll discuss finesse and grace on another post (wink).

 i coach those insisting on an amazing life: coachwsolutions@gmail.com