To Be On Purpose

We've heard all our life, "You did that on purpose!" and of course it's not meant to be a compliment but rather an indictment. 

Today we take "on purpose" off the list of indictments and place it by choice on our "To Do" list.  To make a decision with and on purpose is to create an expectation for our future, which also implies the effort it will take to accomplish our purpose. 

"Yes, I did that on purpose" can become our new motto, but it means commitment and we humans can be quite commitment-phobic.  Discovering and realizing our purpose can be a mysterious journey, but it doesn't have to be.  We all get plenty of "hits", messages or whatever you want to call those moments when you know you are meant to do something.  Sometimes we listen and often we ignore the calls.  Why?  Because the request may appear in-congruent with our current lifestyle - or? . . . scare us because it requires a commitment!

Not to worry.  We can change our minds.

Here's a place to start if you are lacking intuitive purpose messages:

• When asked to commit to something, ask "What's the purpose?"  
• Even a simple, "What for?" will help you define your next step.
• Ask yourself these same questions and you will begin the culling process necessary to see your purpose path with increasing clarity.

Once you start asking yourself these questions, be prepared to recognize how often you spend time on activities:

•  with no inherent purpose 
• that apparently others understand the purpose but you do not
• that there is a stated purpose, but it does not agree with you (jams up your values)
• with a wandering or moving purpose, making it difficult to stay informed or clear about the point
• with one stated purpose, which is NOT the actual purpose but rather a smoke screen (if it feels manipulative, it probably is)
• others: _____________________ (feel free to fill in your own)

Also be prepared to recognize when you:

•  feel energized by an idea or activity
• resonate with the intended purpose (stated by yourself or another)
• want to spend more time without regard for the effort or time involved
• feel like you already know strangers you meet while engaged in a new project or activity
• are compelled (or intrigued) to learn more
• smile and laugh a lot or have an overall feeling of satisfaction
• work hard or with fierce determination but it oddly doesn't feel like "work"
• other: _____________________ (feel free to add your own)

Disclaimer: following a path of purpose may lead to feelings of passion (not the mating kind).  Your passion may initially feel uncomfortable because it can be out of your current comfort zone.  Proceed anyway - we created the current comfort zone and we can expand it when we choose to (just like adding a room to your house; it may be a mess for a bit and then provide you with more room for relaxation and enjoyment for years to come.)

Disclaimer #2: I am not endorsing the end of fun, because our purpose will include play, joy and love. However, many chase nothing but fun confusing it for purpose or passion.  Remember, without commitment, it's probably short-lived or inherently without a point and therefore it will not ultimately satisfy our desire for purpose in our lives.

I hope the days ahead bring you the joy of purpose and that you are overheard saying, "Oh yes, I did that on purpose!"

Traveling Our OWN Path

I was listening to Caroline Myss this morning on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday.  What struck me was her description of being on or off our path.  She insists that ever single person is here for a purpose but when we feel off our path (and suffering with that feeling) that we are not actually off the path, but rather we're managing poorly.  I'm pondering this as I always thought of it as on or off the path.  Her concept resonates as truer than mine. 

"Managing" our own journey means we must make the decisions that are right for us.  Of course it's fine to solicit support, read, study and listen, but ultimately, our choices are ours and the sooner we own that, the sooner we'll feel confident about the trajectory of our path - and listen to our intuitive voice.  This can be tricky without practice, because the Ego's voice is noisy!

TRY:
Slow down your thoughts to tap into your intuition. (This will speed up with practice)  Reflect on choices and own them.

When we suffer, it is a clear message that we are trying to force ourselves on a path that is not ours.  If Myss is correct, we won't actually get to that other path, but merely slow the progress of our own.  Is our path always there?  I'm thinking "yes", but we must travel it, live on it, not just wish and dream about it.

HINT OF THE DAY:
One of the most seductive thought patterns is "that shouldn't have happened to me."  The problem isn't the thought entering our consciousness, the destruction begins when we believe it!

Myss: "Who should that have happened to instead of you?"

GOING FORWARD:
Is our path something to search for?  Let's consider for one whole week that we're already on it and all decisions, both small and large matter to the quality of that journey.  Don't seek out, seek in.  See how that works and let me know.

Boom - CRASH - BOOM!

When I was one of no more than two to three woman band directors in the state, I was focused on my students, our progress, how my strengths could contribute to their growth and how to improve my weaknesses.  I rarely ever thought on a day to day basis, "What should a woman band director do?  What should she say?  What should I not do because, that would be what a man would do?"  It just wasn't in my thought process. I was a band director (who was a woman)

But every now and then, someone would say something that would remind me that I was a woman being a band director. 

Here's one: After directing our high school concert band at a festival, a male judge approaches me in the hallway and said, "Hi, I'm Jim David (not real name) - that was a very aggressive program you chose for a female director."  I remember being caught off guard by the comment.  Was this a compliment?  My impression was that he was surprised by what we performed.  He didn't appear to disapprove, but apparently he expected softer, gentler music.  Boom - CRASH - BOOM!  We had a killer percussion section at the time and I programed several selections that gave them a chance to show off their talent, so yes, there was some drumming going on - and we played some fast stuff too. 

I think my response to him was, "Thank you?" 

That was a No Win Situation.  The judge considered my gender before we played a note.  If I had chosen a program full of ballads and Mozart transcriptions, then I'm perceived as a typical female director: nice, pretty, safe.  When I chose music that showcased our ability to play intense, percussive music, it was perceived as a woman directing masculine music.  Not being a director at all, would be the only way out of this conundrum, but that's not a viable option, is it?  (Obvious answer here: Hell no.)

These are the current circumstances ladies.  We are far beyond the decades with no female athletes, no female music directors, sports announcers - NO VOTING!  But - there is plenty of residual gender bias left and that is for our current generations to dissolve, like a hazy day when the sun shines so bright, the fog must go away.  When we shy away from our dreams because we don't see enough (or any) female role models, we perpetuate, we actually contribute to the male-female roles staying locked in our psyche for another generation to deal with.

Be what you want to be.  Be the authentic version of you, which happens to be female, but be YOU first.  Avoid acting either feminine or masculine - that is your gender, not your title.

I was a music director because I loved it.  I learned from outstanding music teachers, both male and female.  I loved sharing music and challenging my students to excel beyond what they thought was possible - and I happened to be a woman. 

There are more female directors in the state than when I was directing, but it still isn't even close to half.  Why?  Because it still looks like a man's job.  Woman dominate the K-8 ranks, but still are seen far less in front of a high school and especially a collegiate instrumental performance group. (Btw - I added instrumental because lots more woman direct choirs than bands and orchestras - I guess singing is considered more lady-like.) BOOM! I'm done today.

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"Hey Lady, Can You Fly This Thing?"

Today, I'm talking to you ladies - yes, you; the ones in the wrong career or settling for a position below your ability.  Neither of these options honor who we are and what we can contribute.  I have no doubt that plenty of misplaced women are still contributing plenty, but what are we capable of when we're actually pursuing our heart's desire. Rather than an administrative assistant, Gail researches viruses at a university.  Libby goes on digs in South America since she left her department store sales job.  Jennifer quit running the radio station's front office, so she can write her own radio programs.  Did your parents tell you to play it safe, but you wanted to fly airplanes? 

Women hire a personal coach for many reasons, but it often comes down to: "I don't feel fulfilled by what I'm doing" or "I like my work, but feel like there's something more for me."  Our society gives woman plenty of subliminal messages about what we're supposed to like and not like.  Aspire to leadership?  Well ok, but you'll have to exhibit more masculine traits, you know, to convince everyone that you're capable and up to the heavy challenges.  How many overt and subliminal messages say femininity and leadership roles are not compatible?

I love coaching woman who want to lead.  Leadership is an exciting, complex and fulfilling path to walk.  If you have that calling - listen to it.  The most effective leader is an authentic one, not a masculine one.  We've become jaded by the manipulative behaviors of leaders in politics and business.  I encourage us to not look away from the pools of deceit, disgusted and discouraged.  Rather, pour the fresh waters of compassion, creativity and collaboration into the stagnant ponds so they thrive again. 

Ladies - if you want to lead, then learn to lead and lead well, honestly and passionately.  We are past the time in history where we should settle for a position that makes everyone comfortable. If you can run the company, then don't settle for being one of the VP's.  If you can improve your state or federal government, run for office.  Woman are not being beaten by men more often at the polls, they aren't running as often.  Less than 25% of elected politicians are woman and yet we are 51% of the population.

The world needs more female leaders; we need to stop wasting our talent because we're following old patterns.  Creating new paradigms takes concerted effort and cannot be accomplished from a settling, rationalized mind-set.  Coaches are in the business of complacency busting.  If you know you are settling, I hope you will work with a coach.  If you want to be a pilot, I hope you will fly.

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Calling All Multipliers

Do you have influence?  A leadership role?  A chance to set the feeling tone at work or in a volunteer environment?  If you do, then you have the opportunity to engage in human math; not the stuff on paper, but the math of real lives. You can use your skills and position to add value to the people you influence or you can subtract from them.  Unfortunately, we all know a divider or two.  They may be in charge or they may be using divide and conquer techniques behind the scenes, but their propensity to use division is real - and toxic.

Who I really want to reach are those of you who know deep down that you are a multiplier.  You can add significant value to the lives of others and you are needed!  (Did I mention, now?)

In these divided times is when the multipliers must step forward.  If you can do significant work, don't hunker down at home and just take care of yourself.  Who has been a multiplier in your life?  Imagine that person in your mind.  Can you now step into those shoes and create value and opportunities for others?  Are you waiting for just the right moment or for someone to give you permission?  Don't wait, please don't wait.

I challenge you to look at your actions and take stock of what math sign you carry around?  If you realize that you are engaging in subtraction or even occasionally division, make the commitment to get into the addition column today. There are plenty of people willing to make a situation worse, willing to cut others down, but offer no solutions, no positive actions.  If you already know how to add value, then look for your opportunities to be a multiplier.  I guarantee the moments will appear if you look for them.

It does the world no good for you to engage in subtraction when you are a game changer - be a multiplier.

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Wanting and Giving

There is plenty to read these days about manifesting what we want in life, making money online, beating the lottery, getting a big this and an expensive that - I've read them, sometimes even been seduced by them, but these pitches activate the 'getting' mindset when what manifests peace in us, is the giving mind.  We may have a laundry list of stuff we say we want, but most of us deep down, want to feel peaceful, fulfilled and purposeful. 

I want fulfillment, but what am I willing to give for what I want? 

We often idolize musicians and actors, but forget that they gave up security, the almighty steady paycheck, in order to be in those careers.  Many had to give up pleasing a parent who wanted them to be something "practical".  In the past I had peers say, "oh, you're so lucky because you got out of the classroom and don't have to do lesson plans and curriculum maps" and I answered, "and all you have to do is be willing to work on a grant or in to consulting that doesn't guarantee your employment from year to year." 

Take giving down to a personal level.  What if you are in an argument and just can't seem to get your point across?  The discussion becomes heated as you both try harder and get louder in an attempt to convince the other of your point of view.  I want this to be resolved, but what am  I willing to give?

> Try giving the person you are arguing with "the benefit of the doubt" - this is a gift because we are taught that giving them a "benefit" means you're giving in or giving up, but that is NOT what is occurring when you make this choice.  Giving a benefit is a choice of addition, not subtraction.

> You can give "I don't know what I don't know".  Perhaps there is something here I am not aware of, have never experienced or can't understand because I don't have the experiences of the other person.  Do we ever have the identical experiences of another? I work with people from a different culture and socioeconomic background than mine; at times, it's essential that I give them this perspective or I'll wind up sounding condescending and disengaged from their reality.  It's tough to communicate from there.

> You can give "What would this issue feel like if I walked in their shoes?"  This is going from I don't know to maybe I can try to understand a bit more if I step on their side for a few minutes.  This may increase empathy, which is a gift.

> You can also always choose to give LIGHT.  This can be challenging to choose, because when light is the most needed is when the situation or opponent is at their darkest.  What changes the dark?  Not more dark - only turning on a Light.  If you find yourself in the presence of someone who is "going to the dark side", getting personal, ugly or demeaning, you only have two choices:
1) choose to leave: the gift of retreat, which many consider weakness, allows everyone involved to live to argue (or understand) another day, gather our dignity, and can save you from dropping into the same demeaning behavior (the subtraction mindset which creates guilt in yourself - never a gift).
2) shine a LIGHT: resist every urge to drop into the darkness of the argument, share only positive thoughts and solutions, see a light around whoever is trying to darken your day or win at any cost and know that it is not personal - they are expressing the dark thoughts in themselves, regardless of how much they try to make it about you.

If you can't hold on to light thoughts, which I readily admit can be difficult, go back to 1) . . . try another day if this pattern repeats with the same person and you're willing to keep engaging until it improves.  (Not willing?  Walk away and do no harm.)

What do you really want?  What are you willing to give to make it happen? 

Healthy Giving improves life.  Giving takes a healing mindset, purposeful action and love to dominate our decisions and actions.  Giving works in the mindsets of addition and multiplication, avoiding subtracting or dividing to get what we want.

Happy GIVING ~

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What's Stalling Your Dream?

Do you know what you want but can't seem to get there? 
If you know what you're aiming at, that's a huge!  It may seem obvious, but lots of us don't quite know what we want. 

If you do know, check out these variables that may be stalling your progress:

> You lack the resources to get to your goal: this may be financial support, technical knowledge,     manpower . . .

The short answer to this is to begin gathering a supportive team that can fill the roles or information you need.

> You have not given yourself the thumbs up to go for it.  Play with that one.  Have you given yourself permission?  You may be listening to gremlin voices within that say, "what are you thinking?" "you can't do that"  Hopefully you don't have real live naysayers in your inner circle.  If you do, kindly ask them to support you or stay out of the way.

The short answer to the negative inner voice is to hear it, recognize it's fear-based bull and ignore it.  (A coach can help considerably with this part of the process.)

> You are distracted.  This may be incessantly checking Twitter, Facebook, email, texting on demand and answering your cell phone.  All of these can and will wait, but YOU have to make that choice.  Some of us are distracted by the drama of others or the chaos of our own making.  Distractions from your goal, make that your dream - must go!  Too much TV, gaming, eating, sleeping, gossiping = failure to launch.

So if you know what you want, give yourself a big dose of DO.  Carve the time out of the mindless, time-sucking activities that are distracting you from real progress and the joy of doing what you love.

> You may have the dream wrong.

Sometimes what seems like a conspiracy to sink our dreams is the universe trying to tell us, we're chasing the wrong dream.  There are clues -

Coaching dreamers willing to DO - http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

Climb Every Mountain

I grew up in the 60's and 70's and can't remember a year without The Sound of Music (there were a few, I just don't remember back that far!)  Some are surprised when I name this among my favorite movies, but I don't care - the messages are too strong, voices too beautiful - what little girl didn't want to skip through the mountains like Julie Andrews (or float down to earth with nothing but an umbrella)? 

For days now, Climb Every Mountain has been floating in my mind, randomly, quietly and at times powerfully.  So today's post honors that persistent unconscious voice trying anything, including singing to get the conscious mind's attention.

". . . a dream that will need,
all the love you can give,
everyday of of your life,
for as long as you live.       

Climb every mountain,
ford every stream,
follow every rainbow,
til - you - find - your -
dream"

Oscar Hammerstein wrote that his muse for this song was an actual nun and drama coach named Sister Gregory.  Letters that she sent to Hammerstein described the parallels between a nun's choice for a religious life and the choices that humans must make to find their purpose and direction in life. When she read the lyrics, she confessed that it "drove her to the Chapel" because the lyrics conveyed a "yearning that … ordinary souls feel but cannot communicate."

If we have that yearning to find our direction and purpose, there's really no turning it off.  We can distract ourselves, rationalize, and procrastinate, but the dream's voice will persist: "pssst, don't forget, we dreamed of  . . . "

Do your dreams deserve "all the love we can give"?

I like to think my mind was humming this tune at my heart's insistence.  Maybe that's corny, but it makes me smile, 'cause:

"Perhaps I had a wicked childhood,
perhaps I had a miserable youth,
but somewhere in my wicked, miserable past,
I must have had a moment of truth."
Something Good, Hammerstein

My dream is to coach all the days of my life ~ 
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Enjoy -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoCPuhhE6dw

It Takes Courage Part I & II

When I first saw this poster, I was drawn to the courage it takes to be who you are,
then I realized there was an essential message to be digested before the "and":

"It takes courage to grow up."

We simply can't get to who we are when we refuse to grow up.  Steven Pressfield calls it "Going Pro".

I'm renaming e.e.cumming's quote: It Takes Courage Part I and Part II because we must summon our courage for both parts  -

If we get Part I without Part II, we are likely playing the part of a grown up, but missing the authentic mark.  In this scenario, our life may be spent on a career parallel to but not actually on the path we were destined to take.  This can be easily identified by comments like, "I wish I had . . ." "When I was your age, I should have . . ." "If I didn't have a family to raise, I could have . . . "

If we adhere to Part II without Part I, we lack the discipline to stay on our path - we're easily distracted, lacking focus and sometimes even self-destructive. Most everyone can see our potential, but it is unrealized, left in the dream or wishing state or considered not worthy of pursuit.

Coaches can help with Part I & Part II: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

Jurassic Park is Calling

When our son Seth was not quite 10, we went to Jurassic Park.  The school year had just ended and for a few years, Seth, his brother Tanner and I had been going to Phoenix the week after to play: water park, motel pool time, summer clothes shopping and a movie or two.  Fun, carefree days.

In 1993, we waited in a long line to get our tickets to see Jurassic Park on the opening day.  When we went into the theater, we couldn't find three seats together without splitting up. The boys were 8 and 10 so I headed back to the ticket counter and asked if we could use our tickets for the next show.  He didn't want to agree, but most people know not to mess with a mother when she's got her cubs nearby. We're not splitting up!  ("Ok lady, here you go" with eye roll)

It was a long wait and this time we made sure we were near the front of the next line to get good seats together.  We had our popcorn, sodas, and requisite candy: Sour Patch for the boys and Raisinettes for mom.  Cue your memory of this fantasy thriller here: ______________________________.

I'll never forget what Seth said to me when we came out of that movie. "I'm going to do that when I grow up."  I wasn't sure what he meant, so I asked, "Are you going to be in the movies or make movies?"  "No", he said with his well developed seriousness.  "I'm going to write music like that."

When we got home, he started on his own dinosaur-inspired composition called "Prehistoric Overture."  He was going into the 5th grade.  I helped him transcribe what he dutifully worked on at the piano day in and day out for weeks.  Those were special days.  We both knew that he had discovered his calling, his purpose -

and he was 10 years old.

Twenty years later, what does Seth do?  He writes music professionally!  Tonight, he and his brother will hear the music of John Williams, conducted by Williams live at the Hollywood Bowl.  I wish I were with them again, but I can feel the glow of excitement from hundreds of miles away and it takes me right back to those summer days of their youth.

To find, nurture and follow our passion, our purpose - can there be a better life? 

Most will say it's luck to know what you want to do at a young age, but I believe he was observant enough at a young age to recognize that feeling, the famous "ah-hah" that speaks volumes when something is just right. 

Like me, you're probably past the age of 10, but paying close attention to those moments that speak to our soul and say, "this is it, do this" - that's worth our time and attention at any age.  I wish for you that moment and the courage to follow the feeling. 

Coaches are here to help forward your action.  Just say "I'm ready!"  

Have fun, guys -


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