To Be On Purpose

We've heard all our life, "You did that on purpose!" and of course it's not meant to be a compliment but rather an indictment. 

Today we take "on purpose" off the list of indictments and place it by choice on our "To Do" list.  To make a decision with and on purpose is to create an expectation for our future, which also implies the effort it will take to accomplish our purpose. 

"Yes, I did that on purpose" can become our new motto, but it means commitment and we humans can be quite commitment-phobic.  Discovering and realizing our purpose can be a mysterious journey, but it doesn't have to be.  We all get plenty of "hits", messages or whatever you want to call those moments when you know you are meant to do something.  Sometimes we listen and often we ignore the calls.  Why?  Because the request may appear in-congruent with our current lifestyle - or? . . . scare us because it requires a commitment!

Not to worry.  We can change our minds.

Here's a place to start if you are lacking intuitive purpose messages:

• When asked to commit to something, ask "What's the purpose?"  
• Even a simple, "What for?" will help you define your next step.
• Ask yourself these same questions and you will begin the culling process necessary to see your purpose path with increasing clarity.

Once you start asking yourself these questions, be prepared to recognize how often you spend time on activities:

•  with no inherent purpose 
• that apparently others understand the purpose but you do not
• that there is a stated purpose, but it does not agree with you (jams up your values)
• with a wandering or moving purpose, making it difficult to stay informed or clear about the point
• with one stated purpose, which is NOT the actual purpose but rather a smoke screen (if it feels manipulative, it probably is)
• others: _____________________ (feel free to fill in your own)

Also be prepared to recognize when you:

•  feel energized by an idea or activity
• resonate with the intended purpose (stated by yourself or another)
• want to spend more time without regard for the effort or time involved
• feel like you already know strangers you meet while engaged in a new project or activity
• are compelled (or intrigued) to learn more
• smile and laugh a lot or have an overall feeling of satisfaction
• work hard or with fierce determination but it oddly doesn't feel like "work"
• other: _____________________ (feel free to add your own)

Disclaimer: following a path of purpose may lead to feelings of passion (not the mating kind).  Your passion may initially feel uncomfortable because it can be out of your current comfort zone.  Proceed anyway - we created the current comfort zone and we can expand it when we choose to (just like adding a room to your house; it may be a mess for a bit and then provide you with more room for relaxation and enjoyment for years to come.)

Disclaimer #2: I am not endorsing the end of fun, because our purpose will include play, joy and love. However, many chase nothing but fun confusing it for purpose or passion.  Remember, without commitment, it's probably short-lived or inherently without a point and therefore it will not ultimately satisfy our desire for purpose in our lives.

I hope the days ahead bring you the joy of purpose and that you are overheard saying, "Oh yes, I did that on purpose!"

"Hey Lady, Can You Fly This Thing?"

Today, I'm talking to you ladies - yes, you; the ones in the wrong career or settling for a position below your ability.  Neither of these options honor who we are and what we can contribute.  I have no doubt that plenty of misplaced women are still contributing plenty, but what are we capable of when we're actually pursuing our heart's desire. Rather than an administrative assistant, Gail researches viruses at a university.  Libby goes on digs in South America since she left her department store sales job.  Jennifer quit running the radio station's front office, so she can write her own radio programs.  Did your parents tell you to play it safe, but you wanted to fly airplanes? 

Women hire a personal coach for many reasons, but it often comes down to: "I don't feel fulfilled by what I'm doing" or "I like my work, but feel like there's something more for me."  Our society gives woman plenty of subliminal messages about what we're supposed to like and not like.  Aspire to leadership?  Well ok, but you'll have to exhibit more masculine traits, you know, to convince everyone that you're capable and up to the heavy challenges.  How many overt and subliminal messages say femininity and leadership roles are not compatible?

I love coaching woman who want to lead.  Leadership is an exciting, complex and fulfilling path to walk.  If you have that calling - listen to it.  The most effective leader is an authentic one, not a masculine one.  We've become jaded by the manipulative behaviors of leaders in politics and business.  I encourage us to not look away from the pools of deceit, disgusted and discouraged.  Rather, pour the fresh waters of compassion, creativity and collaboration into the stagnant ponds so they thrive again. 

Ladies - if you want to lead, then learn to lead and lead well, honestly and passionately.  We are past the time in history where we should settle for a position that makes everyone comfortable. If you can run the company, then don't settle for being one of the VP's.  If you can improve your state or federal government, run for office.  Woman are not being beaten by men more often at the polls, they aren't running as often.  Less than 25% of elected politicians are woman and yet we are 51% of the population.

The world needs more female leaders; we need to stop wasting our talent because we're following old patterns.  Creating new paradigms takes concerted effort and cannot be accomplished from a settling, rationalized mind-set.  Coaches are in the business of complacency busting.  If you know you are settling, I hope you will work with a coach.  If you want to be a pilot, I hope you will fly.

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This F-Word

Nope, not the 4-letter F word (I know that's what you're thinking); I'm talking about the 5-letter word we need everyday - FOCUS!

When we were younger you might remember getting "Focus!" yelled at you by a parent, a teacher or a coach.  "Stop talking and focus."  "What are you doing?  Stay focused!"   I'm  suggesting now that we choose to whisper this word to ourselves, "shhhh . . . stay still . . . focus."

There are so many distractions in our daily lives that we must make the commitment to improving our focus if we stand a chance of getting significant work done - not once in a while, but everyday.  Our phones beep and sing and ring at us, our email "blings" you've got another new email, here comes an instant message, a tweet and on and on.

Ironically, I've resorted to using the rain app on my phone to drown out the noise when I just want to focus on what I'm working on, reading or God forbid, resting.  Focus takes intention and practice - special thanks to my clarinet days; I thought I was practicing scales and difficult passages, but really I was practicing how to Focus. 

It helps to practice focusing in our childhood years, but improving our focus doesn't take buying an expensive instrument or taking a course - it takes committing time to one thing at a time and sticking to that commitment, despite the incoming distractions.

Besides the obvious tasks at work and needs of our home environment, there are lots of daily applications for focus.  Some I suggest are writing, meditating and reading.  When instructing young leaders, I emphasize focused listening - something that can be done haphazardly or with a high level of focus and intent.  Also, I'd appreciate it if some of you would focus more as you drive (you know who you are)!

Focus doesn't have to be the bad F-word and we don't need it yelled at us commando style.  Commit to improving your ability to focus without caving to distractions, focus on extending your ability to focus for longer periods of time, and to really enjoy the process, focus intently on challenges that matter to you, those tasks that make a difference for yourself and others.

Shhh . . . stay still . . . focus.

focused on coaching: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions







 

You've Got to Play the Wind

I wrote a blog for a while called Be One with the Chaos.  I don't advocate asking for it, but to deny that it exists or wish that it doesn't cross your path is a sure path to failure.

When I was a young softball coach, I can remember hitting ball after ball to my outfielders on the windiest of days.  I'd aim for left field and it would drift to right; fly after fly.  It was frustrating and tiring, sometimes funny and cartoonish, but I kept hitting them anyway.  We could have packed it in and I've seen plenty of teams do just that, but if there are 20-mile an hour gusts at our Monday practice, couldn't it do the same on our Friday game?  Our outfield was ready for that.

I heard the coach for unarguably the best swimmer ever, Michael Phelps, say he made Michael late to meets on purpose. If some random chaos slowed his arrival to a competition, Michael could still get in the pool and swim his best.  He also made him swim hundreds of laps with his goggles fogged up.  That's the edge that great coaching can provide - preparing for chaos and swimming on to victory despite its' arrival.

"Adversity, injustice, bad hops and rotten calls, even good breaks and lucky bounces all comprise the ground over which the campaign must be waged."  Steven Pressfield from the WAR of ART

What is your "campaign"?  Are you prepared to play the wind, go on stage, take the field, the court, go  into court, or to the most important meeting of your life regardless of what gets thrown at you?

Identify your gusts of wind.
Name them.
Write down the terrible referees.
Embrace them!  Prepare for identified chaos (and expect some you didn't know existed.)

"Oh thank you for being assigned to this crucial, stressful day!
. . . because I'm prepared to play in the wind, with the blind ref, with my shoes untied."

Coaching matters.   http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

Welcome

Welcome to friends and those I don't yet know -
For my birthday, I'm giving myself a new blog focusing on my passion for personal and group coaching.  I've been a lifelong learner, teacher, leader, competitor and musician.  I love working with youth and adults who aspire to their best self even if they are not quite sure what that will be ~

Today I leave you with this thought . . . BE YOU, LOVE YOU, SHARE YOU!