Change is Inevitable and So Are We

Well it's been a while since I've been on here blogging.  I thought I would blog twice a week or at least once for a good long time, but after I lost my Grandma, I lost my mojo and then the holidays hit.  I don't think I'm letting lots of people down, but this was an exercise in communicating that I promised to myself, so I'm back.  My holiday vacation is almost over and so is my blogging break.

What I want to discuss today is growth.  NPR recently featured the work of Daniel Gilbert from Harvard who became curious about why we think we will be essentially the same person tomorrow or even 10 years from now.  The fact is, we almost all change and more than we ever predict. For some reason, we keep thinking that although we can recognize that we have grown up, grown wiser, more patient, etc., we usually consider where we are right now to be the pinnacle of that growth and rarely predict much, if any, further growth.

So I thought about this and it is much easier to reflect and accept the changes in ourselves than predict what we will become.  What I can consider however, is what I am aspiring to be and although there are lots of wishes and things I could put on a list, the essence of what I aspire to change in my future is being connected to my source and love on a daily basis; to stay grounded to my best self and avoid reacting to pointless drama.

I don't want to just believe in nonviolence, I want to be an active participant in helping others steer away from verbal and physical violence as the answer to their problems.  I don't want to just give to the Brady campaign for reasonable gun laws, I want to participate in the process that will bring an end to senseless firearm deaths.  I don't want to just hope that more women get involved in state and national politics, I want to participate in them getting elected.  I don't think it's unreasonable to want our children to have food to eat everyday, access to health care and a safe and productive education. 

I expect and plan to "grow" into these issues so when I look back in ten years, I will be different than I am today . . . and according to Daniel Gilbert, I shouldn't be surprised.  What will I have to change in myself to realize these changes?  I will have to say "yes" to growth opportunities and "no" to the safety of the predictable.  I expect more time management discipline of myself.  I pray for more compassionate responses, creativity and less mind-wandering.  I expect to take my life seriously AND remember to have more fun (that one's for Gram.)

How have you changed in the last 10 years?  What do you expect of yourself in the next ten?

Boom - CRASH - BOOM!

When I was one of no more than two to three woman band directors in the state, I was focused on my students, our progress, how my strengths could contribute to their growth and how to improve my weaknesses.  I rarely ever thought on a day to day basis, "What should a woman band director do?  What should she say?  What should I not do because, that would be what a man would do?"  It just wasn't in my thought process. I was a band director (who was a woman)

But every now and then, someone would say something that would remind me that I was a woman being a band director. 

Here's one: After directing our high school concert band at a festival, a male judge approaches me in the hallway and said, "Hi, I'm Jim David (not real name) - that was a very aggressive program you chose for a female director."  I remember being caught off guard by the comment.  Was this a compliment?  My impression was that he was surprised by what we performed.  He didn't appear to disapprove, but apparently he expected softer, gentler music.  Boom - CRASH - BOOM!  We had a killer percussion section at the time and I programed several selections that gave them a chance to show off their talent, so yes, there was some drumming going on - and we played some fast stuff too. 

I think my response to him was, "Thank you?" 

That was a No Win Situation.  The judge considered my gender before we played a note.  If I had chosen a program full of ballads and Mozart transcriptions, then I'm perceived as a typical female director: nice, pretty, safe.  When I chose music that showcased our ability to play intense, percussive music, it was perceived as a woman directing masculine music.  Not being a director at all, would be the only way out of this conundrum, but that's not a viable option, is it?  (Obvious answer here: Hell no.)

These are the current circumstances ladies.  We are far beyond the decades with no female athletes, no female music directors, sports announcers - NO VOTING!  But - there is plenty of residual gender bias left and that is for our current generations to dissolve, like a hazy day when the sun shines so bright, the fog must go away.  When we shy away from our dreams because we don't see enough (or any) female role models, we perpetuate, we actually contribute to the male-female roles staying locked in our psyche for another generation to deal with.

Be what you want to be.  Be the authentic version of you, which happens to be female, but be YOU first.  Avoid acting either feminine or masculine - that is your gender, not your title.

I was a music director because I loved it.  I learned from outstanding music teachers, both male and female.  I loved sharing music and challenging my students to excel beyond what they thought was possible - and I happened to be a woman. 

There are more female directors in the state than when I was directing, but it still isn't even close to half.  Why?  Because it still looks like a man's job.  Woman dominate the K-8 ranks, but still are seen far less in front of a high school and especially a collegiate instrumental performance group. (Btw - I added instrumental because lots more woman direct choirs than bands and orchestras - I guess singing is considered more lady-like.) BOOM! I'm done today.

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"Hey Lady, Can You Fly This Thing?"

Today, I'm talking to you ladies - yes, you; the ones in the wrong career or settling for a position below your ability.  Neither of these options honor who we are and what we can contribute.  I have no doubt that plenty of misplaced women are still contributing plenty, but what are we capable of when we're actually pursuing our heart's desire. Rather than an administrative assistant, Gail researches viruses at a university.  Libby goes on digs in South America since she left her department store sales job.  Jennifer quit running the radio station's front office, so she can write her own radio programs.  Did your parents tell you to play it safe, but you wanted to fly airplanes? 

Women hire a personal coach for many reasons, but it often comes down to: "I don't feel fulfilled by what I'm doing" or "I like my work, but feel like there's something more for me."  Our society gives woman plenty of subliminal messages about what we're supposed to like and not like.  Aspire to leadership?  Well ok, but you'll have to exhibit more masculine traits, you know, to convince everyone that you're capable and up to the heavy challenges.  How many overt and subliminal messages say femininity and leadership roles are not compatible?

I love coaching woman who want to lead.  Leadership is an exciting, complex and fulfilling path to walk.  If you have that calling - listen to it.  The most effective leader is an authentic one, not a masculine one.  We've become jaded by the manipulative behaviors of leaders in politics and business.  I encourage us to not look away from the pools of deceit, disgusted and discouraged.  Rather, pour the fresh waters of compassion, creativity and collaboration into the stagnant ponds so they thrive again. 

Ladies - if you want to lead, then learn to lead and lead well, honestly and passionately.  We are past the time in history where we should settle for a position that makes everyone comfortable. If you can run the company, then don't settle for being one of the VP's.  If you can improve your state or federal government, run for office.  Woman are not being beaten by men more often at the polls, they aren't running as often.  Less than 25% of elected politicians are woman and yet we are 51% of the population.

The world needs more female leaders; we need to stop wasting our talent because we're following old patterns.  Creating new paradigms takes concerted effort and cannot be accomplished from a settling, rationalized mind-set.  Coaches are in the business of complacency busting.  If you know you are settling, I hope you will work with a coach.  If you want to be a pilot, I hope you will fly.

Join me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

What's Stalling Your Dream?

Do you know what you want but can't seem to get there? 
If you know what you're aiming at, that's a huge!  It may seem obvious, but lots of us don't quite know what we want. 

If you do know, check out these variables that may be stalling your progress:

> You lack the resources to get to your goal: this may be financial support, technical knowledge,     manpower . . .

The short answer to this is to begin gathering a supportive team that can fill the roles or information you need.

> You have not given yourself the thumbs up to go for it.  Play with that one.  Have you given yourself permission?  You may be listening to gremlin voices within that say, "what are you thinking?" "you can't do that"  Hopefully you don't have real live naysayers in your inner circle.  If you do, kindly ask them to support you or stay out of the way.

The short answer to the negative inner voice is to hear it, recognize it's fear-based bull and ignore it.  (A coach can help considerably with this part of the process.)

> You are distracted.  This may be incessantly checking Twitter, Facebook, email, texting on demand and answering your cell phone.  All of these can and will wait, but YOU have to make that choice.  Some of us are distracted by the drama of others or the chaos of our own making.  Distractions from your goal, make that your dream - must go!  Too much TV, gaming, eating, sleeping, gossiping = failure to launch.

So if you know what you want, give yourself a big dose of DO.  Carve the time out of the mindless, time-sucking activities that are distracting you from real progress and the joy of doing what you love.

> You may have the dream wrong.

Sometimes what seems like a conspiracy to sink our dreams is the universe trying to tell us, we're chasing the wrong dream.  There are clues -

Coaching dreamers willing to DO - http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

Climb Every Mountain

I grew up in the 60's and 70's and can't remember a year without The Sound of Music (there were a few, I just don't remember back that far!)  Some are surprised when I name this among my favorite movies, but I don't care - the messages are too strong, voices too beautiful - what little girl didn't want to skip through the mountains like Julie Andrews (or float down to earth with nothing but an umbrella)? 

For days now, Climb Every Mountain has been floating in my mind, randomly, quietly and at times powerfully.  So today's post honors that persistent unconscious voice trying anything, including singing to get the conscious mind's attention.

". . . a dream that will need,
all the love you can give,
everyday of of your life,
for as long as you live.       

Climb every mountain,
ford every stream,
follow every rainbow,
til - you - find - your -
dream"

Oscar Hammerstein wrote that his muse for this song was an actual nun and drama coach named Sister Gregory.  Letters that she sent to Hammerstein described the parallels between a nun's choice for a religious life and the choices that humans must make to find their purpose and direction in life. When she read the lyrics, she confessed that it "drove her to the Chapel" because the lyrics conveyed a "yearning that … ordinary souls feel but cannot communicate."

If we have that yearning to find our direction and purpose, there's really no turning it off.  We can distract ourselves, rationalize, and procrastinate, but the dream's voice will persist: "pssst, don't forget, we dreamed of  . . . "

Do your dreams deserve "all the love we can give"?

I like to think my mind was humming this tune at my heart's insistence.  Maybe that's corny, but it makes me smile, 'cause:

"Perhaps I had a wicked childhood,
perhaps I had a miserable youth,
but somewhere in my wicked, miserable past,
I must have had a moment of truth."
Something Good, Hammerstein

My dream is to coach all the days of my life ~ 
message me at: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

Enjoy -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoCPuhhE6dw

It Takes Courage Part I & II

When I first saw this poster, I was drawn to the courage it takes to be who you are,
then I realized there was an essential message to be digested before the "and":

"It takes courage to grow up."

We simply can't get to who we are when we refuse to grow up.  Steven Pressfield calls it "Going Pro".

I'm renaming e.e.cumming's quote: It Takes Courage Part I and Part II because we must summon our courage for both parts  -

If we get Part I without Part II, we are likely playing the part of a grown up, but missing the authentic mark.  In this scenario, our life may be spent on a career parallel to but not actually on the path we were destined to take.  This can be easily identified by comments like, "I wish I had . . ." "When I was your age, I should have . . ." "If I didn't have a family to raise, I could have . . . "

If we adhere to Part II without Part I, we lack the discipline to stay on our path - we're easily distracted, lacking focus and sometimes even self-destructive. Most everyone can see our potential, but it is unrealized, left in the dream or wishing state or considered not worthy of pursuit.

Coaches can help with Part I & Part II: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions