Hopefully most of us wash our hands after we've used the bathroom. We have squirt bottles of germicide sitting in our offices and stay clear of homes that have someone with a contagious illness. We'll go to great lengths from washing our food and the tops of aluminum cans to wiping down computer keyboards, steering wheels and doorknobs - and no, I'm not a germ-a-phoebe.
Why is it that we don't go to these lengths to avoid mind germs? Why do we willingly allow networks to fill our brains with useless, negative news, real life stories full of misery and programs of fiction that reflect some of the worst of human behavior: sexual assaults, drug deals, murder, abandonment, cheating and so on - I bet you can name a TV show, fiction or nonfiction, for almost any awful scenario you can think of. It's contagious!
When do we take the time to clean away the filth and horrors fed to us and the poison of gossip that we drink by the gallons? If you could, would you wash your mind of these infectious germs? Do you have a method that duplicates spritzing antibacterial gel on your hands?
There are methods and they begin with choosing to be aware of what you are asking your mind to digest. First and foremost, PAY ATTENTION to the shows you consume, books you devour and the conversations you participate in. None of these are requirements. We don't "have to" watch a show that features a brutal murder every episode. We don't have to watch a news program that features one negative story after another, each with NO relevance to our life. . . and we don't have to rationalize this behavior by telling ourselves that we won't have anything in common with our friends if we don't. Your friends like YOU, not what programs you watch.
Homework: watch a network morning news program and count how many stories they share with you that are by their own admission "sad", "so sad", "disturbing" or "frightening."
Consider "the purpose" of what you consume more than the product. When you question your own motives, it becomes simple to make a decision.
"What is the purpose of spending my (precious) time on this?"
"Why am I really doing this?"
When the answer comes back, "I don't know", "Because I've always watched this", "Because my friends do", "Because I get a kick out of hearing gossip", "Because I'm bored and there's nothing else to do"- that's the proof you have been unconsciously consuming mind germs and because you don't realize you're consuming mind germs, you don't even bothering WASHING! (insert an "Ewww" here)
Mindfulness takes practice, but it's worth it. Meditate, begin a spiritual practice (qigong, yoga, tai chi, prayer), promise yourself some germ free programing and see if you start to feel better, less stressed, and better rested. You'll find that you are able to keep your own thoughts on positive solutions to challenges, rather than defaulting to irrational fears and chronic worry . . . now why might that be happening, hmmm?
Keeping the mind germs away takes the same daily, even hourly practice that developing a hand washing habit took when we were younger. Eventually you won't go out in public without taking care of washing and that's best for you and everyone else too!
Showing posts with label bad habits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad habits. Show all posts
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Clean Out the Closet and Clean Up Our Act
Let's look at the same process we use to clean out a closet to help us clean up our act -
Think about the piles you might make as you pull your stuff out of that closet:
Get Rid of It
Did you find that jacket that never fit? The orange set of towels you keep thinking you'll use at Halloween? How about that fondu pot from 1980? When you start with the resolve to get that closet cleaned up, you pull these out, take a good look, maybe have a good laugh and then put them in the Get Rid Of It pile.
Same goes for a habit or behavior that you don't need - look directly at that behavior like it's that fondu pot staring back at you. Don't flinch and don't distract yourself. If you know you don't need to eat that bag of chips at 10pm, Get Rid of That Behavior! Give those chips to your neighbor with ten 10-year olds at her house for a birthday party. Are you hanging on to an old behavior that you no longer need or can afford? Give it away with the cassette deck.
I don't need to hit the snooze alarm three times. I found that I don't need to use it at all. That behavior is now in the Got Rid of It pile so I can afford to give away my alarm clock too.
Sometimes Useful
Sometimes we find something useful in the closet that we forgot about. If you find an umbrella that still works, well you don't need it everyday so that goes in the (sometimes) Something Useful pile. The trick here is to not only save it, but to put it in a place where you'll remember it and use it!
When it comes to our habits, this might look like paying our bills (on time), putting out the garbage, cleaning behind the appliances or buying a card (for our favorite relative that's not on Facebook).
Wow - This is Cool!
The Wow - This is Cool pile includes stuff you forgot you had but are so glad you found again; so glad, in fact that you'll start using it again right away. This stuff is useful and meaningful and you can't even remember why you tucked it away - so hooray! It's found and back in circulation.
How does this look in our habitual life? Well it might be discovering the joy of talking to a friend that you lost track of or realizing that you were happier when you jogged four times a week. It could be resurrecting a long-forgotten yoga routine or a recipe that makes you feel good and is good for you too. "Wow - that's cool" and I even have the ingredients!
Don't Need it and No One Else Does Either
This covers the stuff we find that has no value to anyone - the don't put it in a yard sale, don't give it to a charity, don't put it on the curb with a 'Free' sign on it pile . . . it's junk and belongs in the garbage.
This includes stuff that's broken and unrepairable, is so old that there are no replacement parts, or is dangerous.
Ok, so here goes - when we have behaviors that are not worth repairing (as in a habit that has no redeeming value to our life) or that comes from long, long ago with zero benefit, or - drum roll here - is DANGEROUS, these behaviors belong in the chuck it pile. Rationalizing any of these is a con game waged against ourselves. Be brave, be honest, hold yourself to the standard you know you deserve, hire a coach or if it's an addiction or therapeutic issue, get proper help.
We all know the obvious, illegal and addictive ones, but don't forget the less obvious like chronic blaming, shaming, yelling, tantrums, manipulative pouting, gossiping, being chronically late or making others guess when our nasty stuff will show up. It's up to each of us, to look at our own stuff and want to clean it up.
So do you want to do some tossing? Let's clean up our act and a nasty closet too while we're at it!
Leave a comment or send me a message on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions
Think about the piles you might make as you pull your stuff out of that closet:
Get Rid of It
Did you find that jacket that never fit? The orange set of towels you keep thinking you'll use at Halloween? How about that fondu pot from 1980? When you start with the resolve to get that closet cleaned up, you pull these out, take a good look, maybe have a good laugh and then put them in the Get Rid Of It pile.
Same goes for a habit or behavior that you don't need - look directly at that behavior like it's that fondu pot staring back at you. Don't flinch and don't distract yourself. If you know you don't need to eat that bag of chips at 10pm, Get Rid of That Behavior! Give those chips to your neighbor with ten 10-year olds at her house for a birthday party. Are you hanging on to an old behavior that you no longer need or can afford? Give it away with the cassette deck.
I don't need to hit the snooze alarm three times. I found that I don't need to use it at all. That behavior is now in the Got Rid of It pile so I can afford to give away my alarm clock too.
Sometimes Useful
Sometimes we find something useful in the closet that we forgot about. If you find an umbrella that still works, well you don't need it everyday so that goes in the (sometimes) Something Useful pile. The trick here is to not only save it, but to put it in a place where you'll remember it and use it!
When it comes to our habits, this might look like paying our bills (on time), putting out the garbage, cleaning behind the appliances or buying a card (for our favorite relative that's not on Facebook).
Wow - This is Cool!
The Wow - This is Cool pile includes stuff you forgot you had but are so glad you found again; so glad, in fact that you'll start using it again right away. This stuff is useful and meaningful and you can't even remember why you tucked it away - so hooray! It's found and back in circulation.
How does this look in our habitual life? Well it might be discovering the joy of talking to a friend that you lost track of or realizing that you were happier when you jogged four times a week. It could be resurrecting a long-forgotten yoga routine or a recipe that makes you feel good and is good for you too. "Wow - that's cool" and I even have the ingredients!
Don't Need it and No One Else Does Either
This covers the stuff we find that has no value to anyone - the don't put it in a yard sale, don't give it to a charity, don't put it on the curb with a 'Free' sign on it pile . . . it's junk and belongs in the garbage.
This includes stuff that's broken and unrepairable, is so old that there are no replacement parts, or is dangerous.
Ok, so here goes - when we have behaviors that are not worth repairing (as in a habit that has no redeeming value to our life) or that comes from long, long ago with zero benefit, or - drum roll here - is DANGEROUS, these behaviors belong in the chuck it pile. Rationalizing any of these is a con game waged against ourselves. Be brave, be honest, hold yourself to the standard you know you deserve, hire a coach or if it's an addiction or therapeutic issue, get proper help.
We all know the obvious, illegal and addictive ones, but don't forget the less obvious like chronic blaming, shaming, yelling, tantrums, manipulative pouting, gossiping, being chronically late or making others guess when our nasty stuff will show up. It's up to each of us, to look at our own stuff and want to clean it up.
So do you want to do some tossing? Let's clean up our act and a nasty closet too while we're at it!
Leave a comment or send me a message on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Write New Rules
We are conditioned to follow rules: family rules, school rules, rules at work, homeowner rules, community rules, rules of the road, . . . yup, there a lots and lots of rules out there.
But what about the rules within? These are our GUIDING RULES. They become our beliefs. They guide our behavior, our actions, they create our path.
Our guiding rules are worth considering and reflecting on as we may be unconsciously following rules and beliefs that are the beliefs of someone else: parents, friends, community members, the society at large.
One clue that you are following someone elses rules is when you say to yourself, "I should do this" or "I should do that." Remember the word SHOULD and pay attention to how often it enters and lingers in your mind. A second clue is a feeling. To me, it feels like static when I act or react in a manner not aligned with what I believe and who I am. Static can feel like: dis-ease, a knot in your stomach, a headache, tension somewhere in your body (almost always the same spot - shoulders, thighs, forehead). Sometimes people describe static to me as a voice shouting, "what are you doing?!"
Start with some of the simple ones that go way back like: "Eat everything on your plate." We all know why parents say this in a valiant attempt to get something of nutritional value into their youngster's system. Now let's say you're 30. You're busy and often eat out, going to countless restaurants that routinely give you huge, make that obscene amounts of food. Despite clearly seeing three portions sitting on one plate, despite knowing that something called a "to go box" exists, you obediently go about eating everything on the plate. This is a simple example of a guiding rule at work. So the question is - does that rule support or defeat your conscious goals?
These unwritten rules can be much trickier, but once you put your attention to why you are behaving a certain way, you will discover there are many more rules lingering below the surface of your conscious mind. Some are ok, even helpful, but many are not. "Don't speak your mind, you're not smart enough", "That dream is foolish", "Just be quiet and behave", "Woman can't handle money", "Someone who looks like that is not worth knowing" and so on (there are thousands).
When you discover one of these guiding rules at work and it clearly does not feel right - STOP and write a NEW RULE. You are the adult now and your guiding rules can be ones that reflect who you are. Being who you are honors who influenced you are a child. It is not disrespectful to be true to yourself. We will always have rules that must be followed. Be sure that the ones that you carried from your first few decades actually line up with who you are now and what you value. Rewrite the ones that don't.
A coach can help you uncover unwanted rules: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions
But what about the rules within? These are our GUIDING RULES. They become our beliefs. They guide our behavior, our actions, they create our path.
Our guiding rules are worth considering and reflecting on as we may be unconsciously following rules and beliefs that are the beliefs of someone else: parents, friends, community members, the society at large.
One clue that you are following someone elses rules is when you say to yourself, "I should do this" or "I should do that." Remember the word SHOULD and pay attention to how often it enters and lingers in your mind. A second clue is a feeling. To me, it feels like static when I act or react in a manner not aligned with what I believe and who I am. Static can feel like: dis-ease, a knot in your stomach, a headache, tension somewhere in your body (almost always the same spot - shoulders, thighs, forehead). Sometimes people describe static to me as a voice shouting, "what are you doing?!"
Start with some of the simple ones that go way back like: "Eat everything on your plate." We all know why parents say this in a valiant attempt to get something of nutritional value into their youngster's system. Now let's say you're 30. You're busy and often eat out, going to countless restaurants that routinely give you huge, make that obscene amounts of food. Despite clearly seeing three portions sitting on one plate, despite knowing that something called a "to go box" exists, you obediently go about eating everything on the plate. This is a simple example of a guiding rule at work. So the question is - does that rule support or defeat your conscious goals?
These unwritten rules can be much trickier, but once you put your attention to why you are behaving a certain way, you will discover there are many more rules lingering below the surface of your conscious mind. Some are ok, even helpful, but many are not. "Don't speak your mind, you're not smart enough", "That dream is foolish", "Just be quiet and behave", "Woman can't handle money", "Someone who looks like that is not worth knowing" and so on (there are thousands).
When you discover one of these guiding rules at work and it clearly does not feel right - STOP and write a NEW RULE. You are the adult now and your guiding rules can be ones that reflect who you are. Being who you are honors who influenced you are a child. It is not disrespectful to be true to yourself. We will always have rules that must be followed. Be sure that the ones that you carried from your first few decades actually line up with who you are now and what you value. Rewrite the ones that don't.
A coach can help you uncover unwanted rules: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Bad habit? Change It.
Do you have a little annoying habit you want to get rid of?
How about a BIG one that's really blocking your chance of a great life?
Pick something small to prove to yourself you can do it.
Better yet - choose something BIG and go for it!
Either way the key is to start tomorrow - no excuses.
Get up 30 minutes earlier and create a plan for the day that will include what you WANT to do, what action will replace the bad habit. Be specific. Write down your plan or tell someone else or both.
At the end of the day, honor your effort, no matter if it felt easy, hard or you were only somewhat successful. Commit to get up tomorrow and go for it again. Don't forget to appreciate your efforts and success at the end of the day. This will help your resolve the next morning.
Every habit was born from repeated actions. They can ALL be undone!
Be brave and give yourself a great new habit starting right away.
How about a BIG one that's really blocking your chance of a great life?
Pick something small to prove to yourself you can do it.
Better yet - choose something BIG and go for it!
Either way the key is to start tomorrow - no excuses.
Get up 30 minutes earlier and create a plan for the day that will include what you WANT to do, what action will replace the bad habit. Be specific. Write down your plan or tell someone else or both.
At the end of the day, honor your effort, no matter if it felt easy, hard or you were only somewhat successful. Commit to get up tomorrow and go for it again. Don't forget to appreciate your efforts and success at the end of the day. This will help your resolve the next morning.
Every habit was born from repeated actions. They can ALL be undone!
Be brave and give yourself a great new habit starting right away.
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