Man Prayer video

Love this so much, that I had to add it to my blog:

Feminine energy awakening in our men is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of hope -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nj7Zw4P8LPo

"These Solutions Can't Possibly Be the Solutions"

"We must combine the toughness of the serpent with the softness of the dove, a tough mind and a tender heart." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have been reading and pondering the duality of waging fierce and powerful peace through the radical action of love and repentance of causing harm. Those who know me, know I'm not a hippie or a New-Ager, nor an aimless dreamer.  Heck, I'm from New Jersey, land-of-many-fighters.  What I've come to believe in is focused, purposeful action to improve a condition, a life, sometimes just a moment.  Not just action without purpose and not just compassion, which without action dissolves into pity and hopelessness. 

I have been reading Andrew Harvey, an intellectual, worldly man and somewhat of a mystic.  Please ponder this with me from his new book, "Radical Passion":  "Look at what's going on and how the solutions can't possibly be the solutions.  Accept that there is a way through and it's the way of love in action - and it depends on honoring the feminine sacred." - Andrew Harvey 

This resonates with me, not just because I'm a woman, but because I can't wrap my mind, and more likely my heart, around creating a better world through violence.  I'm not anti-male.  I love the men in my life, but believe we must demand and create balance going forward.  Our country is 51% female, but this is rarely reflected on any decision-making boards of anything (PTA exemption here.)  Woman are primarily considered as consumers; consumers of necessities and consumers of the non-essential.  Are we contributing to debates, corporations, laws, policies, media and modern ethics?  If the feminine voice was not only added for equity, but "honored" as a sacred and essential presence, might our country have a different look and feel one day?  

We've become comfortable in our physical world, but sadly accustomed to hearing horrific news.  I wonder what if anything will shake us from our complacency.  Would we need to lock ourselves behind barred windows with our weapons and our treasures if we created compassionate responses to those suffering from neglect, abandonment, hunger, as well as physical and mental challenges?  

Ok, enough questions!  I know my answers and I encourage you to leave your responses in the comments below.  

I will coach for peaceful, loving solutions.  I'll coach those who are now and aspire to be powerfully compassionate leaders, those in need of the courage to raise their voice for justice and equality.  I'll coach those aching to make a difference because our children deserve better than what we're handing them today.  

I am a coach for compassionate change.  For now, that will be my contribution to new solutions. 

I welcome those who are interested in being coached to create compassionate change to message me on my Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

PAY ATTENTION! Firing and Wiring

Today I asked my muse to make sense of some of the seemingly unrelated material I have read, watched and thought about lately.  Here goes -

I was watching a video and reading articles on the Nicabm site (National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine) and I became curious about Daniel Siegel's thoughts on paying attention.  This topic always interests me as an educator, coach and - well, a person.  Would you agree that paying attention can improve the quality of all sorts of activities, including friendships and family relations?  I find this to be true, although plenty of people are willing to excuse others for not paying attention to them.  Perhaps this is a "gimmie" so we'll be excused when we need one.

Siegel made it simple in his video: "Neurons that fire together, wire together."  We have daily opportunities to change our brains neurologically, if we'll concentrate long enough to allow our neurological system to respond to the content we are inputting.  Focusing everyday on what we say is important to us, how we prefer to behave and how and to what we respond to is a discipline that brain craves for growth.

Not only does this have personal implications, but as a leader of teams or musical ensembles, it could mean that getting everyone to pay attention simultaneously and consistently will change the dynamics of the entire team going forward.  It makes sense that creating some similar wiring affords us better odds that we will move in concert.  (Please) PAY ATTENTION, therefore, becomes more than just a request for obedience, but a call for mutual understanding.

That takes me to another current thought, which does apparently connect to the first: the overemphasis and demand for obedience, especially in our schools.  Sucking off the tit of obedience for thirteen years will not create the strong brain wiring necessary to navigate our complicated 21st century world, but paying attention will.  This may sound like semantics, but I advocate we motivate students (or team members) to pay attention rather than demanding obedience.  We must give our students compelling reasons to focus their precious attention, creating relevance and constant connections for strong brain synapses.  The case for obedience "so they'll get what we're teaching" is weak.  We all know we can appear obedient without actually engaging.  (Quiet does not equal learning.)

So that's a bit of thought congealing from me today - along with watching Streisand phone one in on her new movie Guilt Trip; although my brain couldn't retain the title 24 hours later and I had to look it up (inject obvious reason here: ______)  Football?  Yes, that too.  I think the Packers defense could have payed more attention to the SF quarterback running at will all over the field.
 
From my brain wiring to yours, I leave you with: Let's Pay Attention - our brains are counting on us!

Change is Inevitable and So Are We

Well it's been a while since I've been on here blogging.  I thought I would blog twice a week or at least once for a good long time, but after I lost my Grandma, I lost my mojo and then the holidays hit.  I don't think I'm letting lots of people down, but this was an exercise in communicating that I promised to myself, so I'm back.  My holiday vacation is almost over and so is my blogging break.

What I want to discuss today is growth.  NPR recently featured the work of Daniel Gilbert from Harvard who became curious about why we think we will be essentially the same person tomorrow or even 10 years from now.  The fact is, we almost all change and more than we ever predict. For some reason, we keep thinking that although we can recognize that we have grown up, grown wiser, more patient, etc., we usually consider where we are right now to be the pinnacle of that growth and rarely predict much, if any, further growth.

So I thought about this and it is much easier to reflect and accept the changes in ourselves than predict what we will become.  What I can consider however, is what I am aspiring to be and although there are lots of wishes and things I could put on a list, the essence of what I aspire to change in my future is being connected to my source and love on a daily basis; to stay grounded to my best self and avoid reacting to pointless drama.

I don't want to just believe in nonviolence, I want to be an active participant in helping others steer away from verbal and physical violence as the answer to their problems.  I don't want to just give to the Brady campaign for reasonable gun laws, I want to participate in the process that will bring an end to senseless firearm deaths.  I don't want to just hope that more women get involved in state and national politics, I want to participate in them getting elected.  I don't think it's unreasonable to want our children to have food to eat everyday, access to health care and a safe and productive education. 

I expect and plan to "grow" into these issues so when I look back in ten years, I will be different than I am today . . . and according to Daniel Gilbert, I shouldn't be surprised.  What will I have to change in myself to realize these changes?  I will have to say "yes" to growth opportunities and "no" to the safety of the predictable.  I expect more time management discipline of myself.  I pray for more compassionate responses, creativity and less mind-wandering.  I expect to take my life seriously AND remember to have more fun (that one's for Gram.)

How have you changed in the last 10 years?  What do you expect of yourself in the next ten?

"Just for Fun" Love, Grammie

Tonight I find myself experiencing another loss with the passing of my Grandmother.  We called her Grammie or Gram - her name was Evelyn (Summerbell) Silbernagel. 

I spent most of the morning and afternoon feeling incredibly sad, but as the sun was setting I took a walk. As I wandered around the mesa, I took a deep breath and snapped into the moment - the sky was really beautiful: clear and crisp and I could see for miles.  I was reminded that the only moment that exists is the present.  The moment felt amazing and a wave of gratefulness washed over me - 56 years with my Gram is a good, long time.

As a child I was excited to go to her house, play at her house and didn't want to leave.  I was excited when she was coming to our house, loved going to Willowbrook mall with her and making fun of silly shoes, getting lunch at Friendly's and years later, visiting her at her cozy home in Florida.

I realized that all of those memories were just that, memories and that they would never change or go away.  What will change?  I won't receive a birthday card from her any more, but since she still didn't forget to send me one when she was 95, I think I've received plenty - actually more than plenty, each one with a positive message, encouraging me to "not work too hard" and to use the enclosed check for something special "just for fun."  I didn't always heed her advice, but I'm starting to understand her point.

I won't hear her voice chirp, "Hi Hon!" on the other end of the phone. "How are Greg and the boys?"  When I was young, every Thanksgiving was at her house, I loved her ham sandwiches and her house had a piano!  When I was grown up we shared coffee in the morning and wine before dinner.  She got me hooked on flavored creamers and a good glass of Chardonnay, but she never overdid anything - I mean not. a. thing.

I learned that it wasn't that Gram never worried about anything, but she rarely lingered.  She knew how to enjoy today and if it wasn't so great, then get up, do your work and make the best of the next one.  She enjoyed us all: 3 daughters, 8 grand children, 9 great grand children and 1 great-great.  I know she had her opinions, but I never felt judged by her - only accepted and supported, always.

So I choose to consider all of that in present tense, because although we won't make any new memories, there are more than plenty to remember.  Since she stayed to play on the earth for 95 years, I'll try not to be greedy because there won't be more.  I can think of her and smile anytime, just as I would when she was alive on the opposite side of the country. I used to say to my sons growing up, "don't be a more boy" and now I need to remind myself, that we don't need more of Gram - she gave us plenty and then some.

I realized on my walk that I don't feel less loved because Gram has passed on.  I feel all that ever was, which fills me up right now.  I lifted my head from the ground and looked out at the beautiful sunset and took in the moment and then the next and the next one after that.  When I got home, I didn't feel as sad.  I felt more connected to Gram's energy of living in each day and choosing to feel happy. 

I love my Gram right now and plan to in the next moment and the one after that.
Peace to my Grammie who is in nothing but love now (hopefully sipping wine) -

We Can All Be One

In 2005, I led a high school indoor percussion group to a national championship in the Scholastic A division.  I could and have written about the unlikeliness of our program reaching this level of recognition, but instead, tonight I can't stop thinking about the theme of our show, which was titled ONE. 

On the floor, we painted a student inspired 1* and at the time, none of knew why, but just as an * usually means to look further down the page for further information, now I am wondering if our * was about more than we realized at the time.

At a rehearsal that year, I saw a member of our drumline struggling with a passage.  She kept trying to make her hands do what she could hear in her head, but was getting frustrated.  I felt for her as we could all see that she was giving it her best effort and knew she was practicing like mad outside of rehearsals.  In an effort to calm her down I said, "Don't get down on yourself.  It may not happen in one day, but one day it will happen." 

The next day, another member had written on our white board: "It may not happen in ONE day, but ONE day it will happen - S. Woodard".  I thought at first, "did I say that?" and then I remembered the rehearsal from the previous day.  We discussed that this could be a cool phrase for our season since our show was titled ONE.  I found a good spot to insert this into our show and not long after that added what would become the closer of our show: "We can all be one."  It was a pretty organic process and just sounded good at the time.

We had a great ride that year.  It was a talented group, playing well-written music (brag moment: composed by my son) and we worked very hard to bring the music and message to life in each performance.  When we got to the national championships, everything became surreal as our little group from Arizona was squarely in position to win it all and ONE won.

Why am I writing about this 7 years later?  Because tonight I couldn't stop thinking about how our message resonated with our audiences and the judges too.  It was a joyful, uplifting show, that ended with the group chanting, "I am one, you are one . . . we can all be one!"  No one in the group or outside the group ever challenged the meaning of the chant.  I find this interesting to contemplate now, as I know plenty of people who do not believe this message can happen and others who don't even want it to happen.

Is it possible on some other level beyond consciousness, cultural norms, upbringing, environments and such, that we do understand that we are all one?  Science now knows that there are 3 million bases in our DNA and that 99% of those are identical in all humans!  Isn't that amazing?  99% of 3 million - that's a lot of shared DNA.

Wouldn't it be amazing if we behaved like we understood this?  What if we realized how alike we are despite our obvious (1%) differences?  Could we continue condemning and harming human beings  that are 99% the same as ourselves?  Many in the consciousness movement don't believe that December 21, 2012 is the end of the world, but rather our rebirth into this very understanding. 

Perhaps our 2005 show was our small taste of what could be.  Perhaps we should have shouted, "I am ONE, You are ONE . . .

*We - ARE - ONE!" 

 Shout out to the staff and members of the 2005 Page High School Indoor Percussion program.  It was a forever memory.

See Jane Lead. Lead Jane, Lead.

I've been in the field of education for decades and although there are plenty of woman teachers, inequity exits when it comes to administration aka leadership.  Let me pause on this for a moment because although there is a preponderance of women in the classrooms, the percentages skew heavily towards men in the top decision-making positions.

What's wrong with this picture?  The problem is a reliance on a male-dominated leadership model which creates imbalance.  Schools are recreating the male-dominated court system, suspending students at an alarming rate - currently described in many articles as the "pipeline to prison" phenomenon. A relentless linear approach to curriculum and test-taking models are demoralizing and chasing off many of our best and brightest teachers (this would be more women since they are over-represented at the instruction level).

My point is not to be anti-male; it's to be for equity and balance.  Woman shouldn't replace all men in educational leadership positions, rather we should be at the same table, in the same meetings, leading side by side with male administrators.  Woman are under represented at both the state and national levels in both education and politics.  The focus must be on adding more woman to leadership positions so female values can be voiced along side the masculine.

Once at a youth leadership workshop a 15 year old male student angrily yelled at me that I was teaching everyone to "be a girl, not a leader."  His justification for his outburst was that his father had taught him what a leader was and "compromise and listening isn't how it's done!  That's weak!  You're teaching us to be weak."  There were a few tense minutes but it gave us a good place to start discussing why a female leadership instructor might be sharing the topics I was covering.  I didn't sway my young participant, but there was a healthy, vibrant discussion with many young men in the group agreeing there was the need for the qualities of strength and power along side listening, compromise and agreement.  I like to think the young women left pleased and the men (minus one) gave themselves points for considering.

Creating equity and balance will require embracing new models of leadership that value feminine traits. Traits that are not just considered my men, but are embraced by woman.  We dominate the numbers in education, yet apply for the top education positions in smaller numbers.  We are 51% of the population, yet run for office less often.  It's time to value our own strengths in order to be taken seriously as leaders of our youth, leaders of our states and leaders of our nation.  Lead Jane, Lead!

If you agree or disagree, I hope you'll leave a comment or go to my Facebook page and send me a message: http://www.facebook.com/CoachWSolutions

graph from 2012 Harvard Kennedy School Review